Yesterday I had an epiphany. Early in the day I was reading, Parenting by the Spirit by Sally Hohnberger. This is my 2nd time reading through this excellent and eye opening book. When I found out my best friend was pregnant I recommended this book as the only parenting book you really need to read. Now she has 3 more books in the series, but anyway I digress.

I was reading how our actions speak much louder then our words, no surprise there, but one quote particularly struck me, “Often our actions speak so loudly that our children cannot hear our words.” I read that, tucked it away in my memory and preceeded with the day. We were doing our usual rushing around getting ready to take Proeun to work and I was yelling at the kids of the 4th time to get their shoes on. In the process I forgot to tape something Two had asked me to. When he discovered I forgot in the car he started telling me, “I hate you.” I try not to let it get to me and always reply, “well I love you.”

When we got home another conflict ensued, this time surrounding nap time. I was trying to get all 3 children ready for bed. Mavis was fussing and obviously ready, Avril kept coming up with excuses for not getting in bed and Two was bouncing off the walls and seemed to be forever in the way. Finally I lost it and yelled at him telling him, “You are always in the way, lie down,” and I made sure he did. He flopped his head back on the pillow and said, “See I told you you hate me!”

That was the moment. While he had told me he hated me, his actions have always been full of love. However I was telling him I loved him but projecting frustration and to him hate. Even though I could justify my frustration, I had to acknowledge there really is not justification for not being able to control our emotions.

Since then I have been trying to be careful. At bedtime the same conflict was beginning. But instead I put my hands over my face and started counting. The kids stopped immediately. I was a homeschool conference last April and on of the presenters was saying that she puts on a particular hat when she really needs and break and that Abigail Adams used to put her apron over her head to signal to her children that they needed to stop immediately. I explained to the children what that means and hopefully it will work. I’ll keep you posted.